From the Saracen Press

Best Worst Season EVER!!!

Posted on 2004-10-15 by Jeremy Furlong

After the great success of the 2003 season that saw the Saracens 3rds win the city championships there were high expectations placed on the 3rds. Understanding what was expected the 3rds decided to take their game to a completely new level and go for the ever-elusive perfect season in 2004. It was hard fought but it panned out with a well-deserved 0-7 record.

From the get go there was adversity. After playing with subs for their initial game against the Hornets and the following game against the Irish, the Saris realized that well rested players would pose an advantage that would keep scores dangerously close. With the possibility of defeat by winning ever present the 3rds decided not risk winning a game and ruining their season by discarding all subs.

This brilliant strategy was first put to the test against the Red Deer Titans and their endless supply of substitute players. The game was nearly won by Saracens, thankfully a try late in the game kept the goal of the faultless season within sight.

With the stark realization that the team was just simply too competitive with a full squad, the 3rds pulled an even more drastic move and played short two men against the Irish. Unfortunately the Saracens were able to compete very well for the first half. Faced with the problem of successful tackling and offensive play our heroes were bewildered at how they could create a greater advantage for the other teams to keep their dream alive.

The play making ability of the 3rds was not shutdown even with subtracting players, so again the playmakers were forced to strategize. Facing the Hornets again, the Saracens made a bold move, forfeit.

That move paid off big and the Saris were only one L from a flawless record, only one team stood in their way Red Deer. Last time these adversaries met with even squads the Titans nearly lost. So our heroes pulled an old trick out of the book. Knowing of Red Deer's horrendously low self esteem and issues with basic math, the Saris trickily fielded 14 guys to which the Titians were oblivious. The smiles on the faces of the Titians reflected their newly found self-image and imagined greatness as they squeaked a victory out with a natural overlap.

All would have been well if it wasn't for the ever-scheming CRU. Knowing that record of the Saracens was unscathed by victory the Union forced the Saracens into the finals against the Hornets. The CRU's conspiracy proposed a challenge to the inner being of the 3rd div'rs. Lose for pride or win for a shiny trophy and title of Calgary Rugby Union City Champs two years running? This was an enticement so great only Adam and Eve possibly understand.

Our heroes were able to champion temptation and hold on to their convictions as they lost to the Hornets in the city final to the delight of all the Saracen fans. A perfect season with no blemishes to speak of was finally attained.

Once again proving that the Saracens are just so damn cool that the CRU will put them in a final without a single victory just so everyone can hang out with them for just one more night.

The end

[Editor's note: you can find more great stories like this in The Sump]